Random Eva Minifics
by Lord The Night Knight
Summary: Each chapter is a different story (special offer starting on chapter 7). Chapter 11 is up. There's something about Mary Sue.
1. Fic 1: Sometime in Rome 3

I don't own Eva.  
  
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RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
#1: Sometime in Rome-3  
  
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Match-up: Ridely Scott vs. Hideaki Anno  
  
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The crowds that filled the stadium were especially restless today. The games that Emperor Karowus had declared had been nice so far, but nowhere near the spectacles of the games years before.  
  
Today was going to be different. Now there would be a recreation of the legendary battle of The Third Impact when the army of Keelus Seelus had devastated the barbarian forces.  
  
The emperor was patiently waiting at his seat for the fight to begin. At his side, sat his sister Reia II and her daughter, Reia III. Karowus nodded to the announcer, a penguin wearing a curly, red wig. The penguin jumped onto a small platform and raised his flippers. The talking among the crowd slowly ceased.  
  
"Wark wark wa wa wark wark!" the penguin said. "Wark wark wark wark wark, wark was wark wark wa wa wark waaaaaaaaark!" He finished by pointing a flipper to the five Evangelions in the middle of the two-kilometer wide field.  
  
The crowd gave the five a round of applause. One of the Evas was purple, one red, one blue, one black, and one was silver. They all turned as one to face the emperor.  
  
"We who are about to die, salute you!" chorused voices from all but the purple Evangelion. No on seemed to notice.  
  
"Wark wark, wark wa wark wa wa wark wa," the penguin continued.  
  
The purple Evangelion turned to the others as the announcer spoke. "Whatever comes out, we'll have a better chance of living if we stick together." the Eva's pilot said.  
  
After the announcer finished, three doors at equidistant points in the stadium burst open and three white Evangelions came out from each door. Each had a number on its chests form 05 to 13. These nine Evas then sprouted wings and took to the air circling the other Evas like vultures.  
  
"Stay together," the pilot repeated. "Only break formation to get a weapon." The others nodded and readied their rifles.  
  
The Eva marked 12 swooped down to attack black. Black fired its rifle at 12, which then had to back away.  
  
05 and 07 then flew down at red brandishing their lances. Red then grabbed 05's lance a second before it was pierced. Red then yanked the lance out of 05's hands and swung it at the two Evas slicing them both in half.  
  
Even at the distance from the seats, the pilots could hear the crowd roaring in cheers. The white Evas were infuriated and all dove at the grounded Evas.  
  
"Fire!" the purple pilot shouted. The five Evas let loose a barrage of gunfire at their attackers. The white Evas were unable to defend properly for the assault. 09's head was torn to ribbons. 06, 11, and 13's wing were torn to shreds and crashed to the ground.  
  
Misata was looking at the fight through her private chamber. She smiled at the sudden turn of events. She was sure she would lose her best slaves today. It seems she had grossly underestimated them.  
  
The white Evas that still had functional wing fled to a safe distance again. Then the purple Eva saw several thin streaks headed towards his group.  
  
"Scatter!" he shouted. The five dove out of their circle as a rain of lances fell where they had stood. A lance caught silver's foot, but purple just grabbed the weapon and pulled it out. It then tossed the lance at 13. 13 was impaled before its pilot could register the attack.  
  
"We are definitely dealing with amateurs," purple's pilot remarked at the flashy, but ineffective maneuver the white Evas attempted.  
  
Red and black repeated his countermove and 08 and 12 fell. Purple fired at 06, but then ran out of ammo. "Cover me," he said to blue. Blue nodded and fired at anyone who was near purple while that Eva ran to a weapon tower.  
  
After purple grabbed the weapon, the pilot saw that red was about to be ambushed by 06 and 10. He fired at their heads, which then exploded.  
  
The crowd's roar could be heard a dozen miles away. Misata laughed and applauded. Even little Reia III was cheering.  
  
Now only 11 was left. It fell to its knees and exposed its neck. But the spectators were holding their thumbs up and shouting 'Kill! Kill!' Blue then fired and 11 and it exploded into pieces.  
  
Karowus turned to Ritsuka, the captain of the guards. "I'm a little vague on history, but I thought the barbarians lost this battle," the emperor said. Ritsuka just shrugged. "Well it doesn't matter anyway."  
  
"I want to see them, uncle!" Reia III said jumping up and down.  
  
"Very well," Kaworus said laughing. Ritsuka nodded to Maya who immediately left.  
  
Soon two doors next to the emperor's seat opened up. Several Evas then trotted out. They were black and purple with a gold eagle on their chests. It was the Angelican guard.  
  
The guard surrounded the pilot's group. Then a platform extended to them. A little blue-haired girl ran out to them. A young man with gray hair followed. They soon reached the pilot.  
  
"Well done! Well done," Kaworus said to the pilot. "I've never seen such skill in the games. My niece here swears you are Zeruel reborn. Or was it Sachiel? Well what is your name?" The pilot didn't speak. "You do have a name don't you?"  
  
"My name is Pilot," the pilot said. He then turned away.  
  
"How dare you show your back to me!" Kaworus yelled. "You will leave your Eva and tell me your name!"  
  
The Pilot hesitated, then the back of the Eva opened up and a white tube ejected. The tube opened up and a man jumped out. Kaworus's eyes bust open when he saw who this slave was. Reia II gasped.  
  
"I am Gendus Ikarius," the pilot said with cold anger. "Commander of the NERV legions, loyal to our slain empress, Reia Ayanamia I." He stepped a little closer to the emperor. "Husband to a murdered wife, father to a murdered son, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."  
  
"Otousan!" a voice shouted. Gendus turned in that direction and then saw a young man in the stadium.  
  
"Shinjicles?" Gendus said as tears rolled down his face. "You're still alive?"  
  
"I was told you abandoned me." Shinjicles said crying as well. He then turned to a redheaded woman next to him who was holding a baby. "This is my wife, Asuka Langleya Sorya Ikaria, and our daughter, Teria Langleya Sorya Ikaria."  
  
"My son," Gendus said smiling. "At least you're safe."  
  
"Are you so sure slave?" Kaworus said finally recovering from the shock.  
  
Gendus grinned. "You can't touch him. The Soryi have more wealth than half the noble families in the empire combined. And if you haven't changed your habits, you owe far too much to them to risk their anger."  
  
"But I can at least send you to your beloved Yuia!" The guards then raised their rifles towards Gendus and the other Evas.  
  
But the emperor soon heard a chant from the crowd. He turned to the spectators who were holding their thumbs down and chanting 'Live! Live!'  
  
Kawarus was dumbstruck. He wanted the traitorous commander out of the way, but his cowardice wouldn't let him risk a mob. He slowly turned his thumb down with the crowd. The people roared their approval.  
  
When they realized they were safe, the other pilots came out. The red pilot was Kajicles, the blue one was Fuyutsukus, the black was Makotus, and silver was Shigerus.  
  
"The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end," Gendus said. Then he and other pilots walked to their barracks. All around the stadium, there were chants of 'Ikarius! Ikarius!'  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** The barrage of lances in 'End of Eva' wouldn't have been nearly as effective if Unit 02 hadn't been in such bad shape.  
  
** Most people think that 'thumbs up' in a gladiator fight is in favor of the loser living. That is untrue. That sign is in favor of the victor, giving permission to kill.  
  
** I got the name for Shinji and Asuka's daughter from 'The Child of Love' by 'Axel Terizaki'.  
  
** In case you're wondering, Shinji fills the role of Senator Gracus (Derek Jacobi's character). 


	2. Fic 2: Children of the Adam

I don't own Eva or X-men.  
  
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RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #2: Children of the Adam  
  
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Who would win in a fight: The Geo-front vs. The Danger Room?  
  
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Nathan Summers put the phone down. What was this emergency that halted the service? And why had his father called for him after all these years?  
  
Nate looked down the street and saw a young man with midnight-blue skin. Just then the street shook and there was a loud crash. Nate covered his ears. When the noise stopped, he noticed the man was gone.  
  
Then the street shook again. Soon a magenta and gray giant appeared from behind the hills. A squadron of blackbirds surrounded it, but their weapons had no effect on the monster. It knocked one of the jets out of the sky and it landed three feet in front of Nate.  
  
A car drove up just behind Nathan. The passenger door opened and Nate saw a woman with brown hair that had a white streak. "Get in!" she said with a drawl.  
  
Nathan shook his head. "I think I can help them. My psychic abilities are pretty-"  
  
"Doesn't matter," the woman interrupted. "Mutant powers are useless against a sentinel."  
  
'Oh, so that's what it's called,' Nathan thought. The sentinel was walking in their direction so Nate jumped in the car and it sped off to the edge of the city.  
  
"Does this happen everyday in Westchester-3?" Nate asked the woman.  
  
"Nope," she answered. "There hasn't been a sentinel attack since Asteroid M crashed into the Antarctic and destroyed the savage lands." That had happened before Nate was born. The woman then turned to Nate. "By the way, I'm Rogue."  
  
====================  
  
After nearly an hour, they arrived at the entrance to XMEN headquarters, which was near a mansion. Nate recalled the logo from the letter he received from his dad. It was a circle around and X and 'Stan Lee is at Marvel. All is right with the world,' written on the side.  
  
When the car drove inside, Nate gasped at the size of the place. "This is the X-front?" he asked.  
  
Rogue nodded. "This is the fortress from which we protect the Earth."  
  
Nate had no idea where Rogue was taking him, but he followed anyway. Soon they ran across a woman with completely white hair. "Took you long enough to get here," she said gruffly.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Storm," Rogue replied.  
  
Storm didn't reply. She just led the two to a dark room and flipped on a switch. Nate gasped when he saw he was in front of a fifteen-story tall bird, which was on fire.  
  
"Cool!" he shouted. (Hey, Nate's an adolescent in this story. What do you expect?)  
  
"This is Phoenix 01," Storm said. "This is the only weapon which can defeat a sentinel."  
  
"And we believe you are one of the few people that can pilot it," Rogue said to Nathan.  
  
Nate's eyes widened. "Really?" He wasn't even old enough to get a permit and now he was given the coolest ride on the planet?  
  
====================  
  
Ten minutes later, Nate was in front of the phoenix and was in his piloting suit, which was black with a yellow X over the torso.  
  
"I hope you can stop the sentinel," Rogue said. "Or humanity is doomed."  
  
"But I thought Sentinels were just designed to eliminate mutants," Nate said.  
  
"They have since turned on their creators and now seek to destroy all of mankind," said a familiar voice.  
  
Nathan looked up and saw his father looking at him coldly, or he thought it was a cold look. It was always hard to tell with that visor.  
  
"It's been a while," Scott Summers continued.  
  
"Dad, is this why you wanted me here?" Nate asked hopefully.  
  
"Yes. It seems you have a use."  
  
Nate was suddenly crestfallen. So his father didn't really want to see him again. "I don't think I want to do this," he mumbled to Rogue.  
  
"But Nate, you have to or we'll all die!" the southern belle pleaded.  
  
"Never mind," Scott said. "If he wants to leave, we cannot stop him." Scott then turned to one of the communication monitors. A bald man appeared on one of them. "Xavier?"  
  
"Yes, Scott?"  
  
"Can you get Madeline down here?"  
  
"I can try. She's still pretty beaten up from her last Danger Room session."  
  
"I know. But our replacement has decided to run away."  
  
"Very well," Xavier said grimly.  
  
====================  
  
Five minutes later, medics entered the room carrying a redheaded girl on a stretcher. She looked somehow familiar to Nathan.  
  
"Who's that?" he quietly asked Rogue.  
  
"That's Madeline Pryor, our original pilot."  
  
Madeline groaned in pain. Nate found himself running up to the girl to comfort her.  
  
How could his father do this? She wasn't even in a condition to ride a tricycle! Nathan's thoughts were raging. 'It's Clobbering time. It's clobbering time. It's clobbering time! No wait. That's the wrong catch phrase.'  
  
He stood up and turned to Rogue and Storm. "All right, I'll do it."  
  
Everyone else left the room as Nathan entered the cockpit. Scott remained and stared at the phoenix.  
  
'Soon, Jean,' he thought. 'Soon we'll be together again.'  
  
====================  
  
"I don't believe it," Storm said monitoring the phoenix in the control room. "Collectability is at near-mint and rising."  
  
"I knew the kid could do this," Rogue said.  
  
Outside, the sentinel was busy crushing buildings and firing missiles at anything that moved.  
  
The robot paused when an explosion shaped like a gigantic X appeared out of the ground. Then a firebird as tall as the sentinel stood before it.  
  
Before the sentinel could react, the bird jumped the distance between the two and pinned the robot to the ground.  
  
It then started pecking at the sentinel scorching the face. But the sentinel pushed Phoenix 01 off and fired a barrage of lasers from its hands. The bird's right wing was crippled.  
  
Nathan was fazed, but he was still ready to face the robot. "Don't fight it head-on!" Rogue said over the radio. "We have weapons placed all over the city!"  
  
"Got it," Nate replied. The phoenix started running to a tower that appeared from the ground. A giant rifle was inside.  
  
The sentinel saw the phoenix had its back turned so it fired a volley of missiles. Phoenix 01 crumpled to the ground.  
  
Nate was nearly panicking as the sentinel stood ready to finish him. Just then, the phoenix started to rumble and its fire turned from yellow to red.  
  
"Oh my god!" Rogue said. "It's going dark!"  
  
Scott just sat in his seat smiling.  
  
Even thought it didn't feel fear, the sentinel tried to back away. But just before the phoenix could strike, a couple energy beams shot out of the sky and hit the sentinel's head.  
  
That had little effect on the robot. It turned up and saw a small space pod flying right at it. Before it hit, the pilot of the craft jumped out and somehow hovered in the air.  
  
The pod hit the sentinel in the head blowing both up. The remains of the robot fell to the ground.  
  
Then Nathan looked at the one who helped him. He gasped at the sight of the woman with long, red hair.  
  
"Mom!" he shouted.  
  
"Jean!" Scott shouted at the same time.  
  
Jean Grey summers floated to the ground as Nathan left the phoenix's cockpit and Scott ran out of the base like a bat out of hell.  
  
Nathan slowly walked up to his mother barely able to believe she had returned. Then Scott caught up with them. He was so pumped with adrenaline, he wasn't even out of breath.  
  
"Where, where were you, Jean?" Scott asked.  
  
"I was kidnapped by Galactus," she answered. "He wanted me to be his herald. But I finally escaped."  
  
"But I thought you were trapped in the phoenix," Scott said as tears filled his eyes.  
  
Jean shook her head. "That was a copy of me Galactus made so you wouldn't come to rescue me."  
  
"Oh Jean, I'm so sorry!" Scott pleaded.  
  
"Wait a second," Nathan said puzzled. "All this time, it wasn't even you that was dead? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!"  
  
"Oh yeah," Jean said. "What about Scott marrying my clone? She looked exactly like me! In the real world, that relationship wouldn't have lasted five minutes!"  
  
"Yea, that wasn't exactly Chris Claremont's most inspired moment," Scott said.  
  
Then Scott and Nathan hugged Jean. "I missed you!" they chorused tearfully.  
  
"So did I!" Jean answered chocking on her own tears. "I guess we have a lot of catching up to do."  
  
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This is a one-shot fic, but please let me know if you want to continue it. You could find out who is replacing Asuka, whether Gambit is Kaji, and where Logan fits in all this. 


	3. Fic 3: Sickest yaoi fic, ever!

I don't own Eva. But I do want you to skip to the next chapter. Please! But if you choose not to, don't say I didn't warn you.  
  
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RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #3: Sickest yaoi fic, ever!  
  
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Who would win in a fight: James (Team Rocket) or Jack (Will & Grace)  
  
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Shinji knew he was going to get it this time. There was no way his father would overlook him taking a joyride in Unit 01.  
  
"The property damage has been estimated in the tens of billions," Gendo said coldly. (That's in yen.) "What do you have to say?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Shinji said.  
  
"Of course," Gendo mumbled. That was his son's answer for everything. He couldn't believe what a wimp his son was. And he was so boring too. He even looked boring with that plain, white shirt with that stupid collar that when turned up, blew in the wind with Shinji's hair making him look like a Adonis-  
  
Gendo slammed his fist against the desk. He couldn't deny this any longer. "Shinji there's something I have to tell you."  
  
"Huh?" Shinji had never seen this before and his heart was beating triple speed.  
  
"Yui didn't die that day."  
  
"What?" Shinji yelled.  
  
"Please hear me out. Your mother actually ran off with some shipping heir from Brazil. She's probably partying on one of his yachts right now."  
  
"But... why...?" Shinji stammered.  
  
"She told me to because she no longer wanted to see some workaholic loser and the dead weight he gave her."  
  
"So mother never loved us?" Shinji asked with tears in his eyes. Gendo nodded. "But, but then why did you abandon me?"  
  
"Because... I thought some time apart... would help me... would help me get over these feelings I have for you!"  
  
Shinji face faulted. "Feelings?"  
  
"Shinji, you don't even realize the magnetism you possess," Gendo said smiling. "You're so king, so generous. And those eyes," Gendo giggled. "They make a girl swoon!"  
  
Shinji beamed at the commander and his tears turned to tears of joy. "Oh, Father, I knew you loved me!"  
  
Shinji jumped up and wrapped his arms around Gendo. They pulled each other under the desk as they kissed.  
  
"Shinji," Gendo whispered softly. "Who's your daddy?"  
  
"Oh, Gendo!" Shinji laughed.  
  
====================  
  
I am truly, truly sorry for this abomination of a fic. Now where the hell did I think this up? Well I tend to take offense at things people wouldn't expect.  
  
A while back, I saw a couple fics both by an author I won't mention. The one I decided to look at was a Ritsuko/Rei fic. It was lemon that didn't impress me.  
  
Then I discovered he used the exact fic with different names to make a Shinji/Gendo fic. Many readers were offended that such a sick fic was listed under the 'G' rating and those fics were since removed.  
  
But what offended me was the lazy, slapdash way the story was put together (I told you I get offended at weird things.). I thought if you're going to do something as ridiculous as a Shinji/Gendo fic, you should at least do it right (I really do get offended at weird things.). 


	4. Fic 4: Megatokyo 3

I don't own Eva, Megatokyo, or Trogdor.  
  
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RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #4: Megatokyo-3  
  
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Who would win in a fight: Kensuke or Piro?  
  
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"I wonder what this substitute will be like," Toji said.  
  
"I'll be fine as long as he or she doesn't talk about the second impact," Kensuke offered.  
  
"What?" Hikari yelled. "We have a substitute teacher?" The jock and his friend nodded. "But nobody told me!"  
  
"I thought Asuka was supposed to tell you," Shinji said.  
  
"Oops," the second child meekly said.  
  
Hikari was hyperventilating. "But I don't have the time to make the class presentable! And just look at this room! It's filthy! What am I going to-?" She then passed out.  
  
"I warned her about that," Asuka said.  
  
Then the bell rang. The class stood and bowed even without Hikari's prompting. The exception was Toji, who was waving smelling salts at his girlfriend. Two young men, one with spiky red hair and one with stringy blonde hair and glasses, entered the room.  
  
"@00I) /\/\0rI\I1I\I@. j00 (4I\I(4ll /\/\3 L4@0 4I\II) 7h15 15 /\/\y fr13I\II), P1r0," the red haired man said. "\/\/3 4r3 1-10I\I0r3I) 70 83 3I)u(471I\I@ 7I-I3 y0u7I-I 0f 7I-I15 I\I4710I\I 4b0u7 7I-I3 73rr18l3 7I-Ir347 y0u 4ll f4(3 fr0/\/\ 7I-I3 20/\/\813 I-I0rI)35."  
  
"Good morning. You can call me Lago and this is my good friend Piro," the blonde man translated. "We are honored to be educating the youth of this nation about the terrible threat you all face from... the zombie hordes?" he said to his friend accusingly.  
  
The two men then started arguing in English. Asuka was the only one who could understand them and she was chuckling.  
  
But their argument stopped when a woman with dark purple hair walked by the door. Lago glared at her. "74I3 (4r3 0f 7I-I3 57uI)3I\I75, /\/\y fr13I\II)," he said before he followed the woman.  
  
"Sure thing," Piro said rolling his eyes. He turned to the students. "Well let's begin, shall we?" He pulled out a book of poetry and started reading.  
  
====================  
  
Piro was surprised that the student were still paying attention after thirty minutes not realizing that watching paint dry was more exciting than their regular teacher's lessons.  
  
Lago then came sulking through the door. "Couldn't catch her?" Piro asked.  
  
"No," Lago answered still in English but with his l337ness broken.  
  
Just then, an alarm sounded. "Will everyone please proceed to the nearest shelter," the P.A. system said.  
  
"What did you do this time?" Piro accused his friend.  
  
"Nothing," Lago answered.  
  
"You ordered another Rent-a-zilla!" Piro snapped.  
  
"No! I swear!"  
  
"I am sure your friend had nothing to do with this," Rei said as the students filed out of the room.  
  
====================  
  
"How can the blue pattern be coming from within the city?" Shinji asked Misato from within Unit 01.  
  
"It's probably disguised as a human like the seventeenth angel," Rei said.  
  
"Hey. Maybe your boyfriend actually came back from the dead," Asuka said to Shinji leering.  
  
"Why do you presume you know what happened when you were comatose at the time?" Rei asked the second child.  
  
"Um... shut up!"  
  
The Evas converged on the location of the signal. Shinji didn't see anything on the street so he zoomed in. He zoomed in again, and again, and again, and again.  
  
"Is this some kind of joke?" Asuka snapped seeing their targets were two people about six inches tall.  
  
One of these was a pretty lady with angel wings. The other was a guy with bat wings. They were punching and clawing at each other tearing their clothes. On the sidewalk, sat a cat and a hamster watching the fight and munching popcorn.  
  
"There is no way those two could be a threat to humanity," Shinji said.  
  
"I guess you're right," Ritsuko said. "But we've been having tremors all day, but no seismic activity. If the angels aren't causing it, than what is?"  
  
"Perhaps it is that monster over there," Rei said calmly. The other children looked that way and gasped.  
  
It was a gigantic green dragon with a body shaped like an S. It roared showing its rows of gleaming teeth in the shape of consummate V's. But the most striking feature was the giant human arm sticking out of its back.  
  
"My god," Asuka said. "Where could that have come from?"  
  
====================  
  
"What the hell were you thinking?" SEELE 07 said in the meeting room.  
  
"I had no choice but to unleash our greatest weapon," Keele said. "Gendo has gone too far. He is trying to undo all the work we have done and remake instrumentality in his own vision."  
  
"We're not talking about that!" SEELE 10 snapped. "We're wondering why you came in here dressed like that."  
  
"What's wrong with how I'm dressed?" Keele asked. He was shirtless, had boxing gloves on, and was wearing a red wrestler's mask.  
  
====================  
  
"I'm not detecting a blue pattern from it," Ritsuko said.  
  
The dragon roared again and breathed fire on the city. Every building in three blocks was aflame.  
  
"I don't think it matters," Shinji said before he fired his rifle at the dragon.  
  
The dragon breathed at the bullets and they melted without even touching it.  
  
"Baka," Asuka said impatiently. "You need to be more direct!" She charged at the dragon. She activated her Eva's AT-field to protect from the flames. But the heat was so intense, Asuka had to back away.  
  
"I can't believe how powerful that thing is," Ritsuko said. "Do we have any weapon that could break through it?"  
  
"What about Febreeze?" Lago suggested.  
  
"I don't think that will work." Then Ritsuko did a double take and turned around. "How did you get in here?" she yelled at Lago and Piro.  
  
"Hey, those are our new teachers!" Shinji said.  
  
Lago held out a badge to the doctor. "We also work for the Tokyo police!" he said. Piro covered his face and pretended he didn't know his friend.  
  
"Really?" Asuka asked.  
  
"We had to," Piro said. "We're really short on cash right now."  
  
"We're here because we've recieved a report that NERV has kidnapped the Pillsbury doughboy's older sister and has cut her legs off," Lago said.  
  
"Please ignore him. He's crazy," Piro pleaded. But then he noticed that Ritsuko's face was not of disbelief, but of guilt. "You actually do have her here."  
  
Ritsuko slowly nodded.  
  
"Man how can you always be right about the weird things?" Piro asked Lago.  
  
The children weren't listening to this, as they were too busy with the dragon. But all they were able to do was try to avoid its fire.  
  
Just then Asuka saw an eighteen-wheeler with 'Listerine' written on it. "It wouldn't hurt to try," she said.  
  
Unit 02 picked up the truck and quickly hurled it at the dragon. It breathed at the incoming missile, but the truck slammed into the dragon's throat first. It tried breathing again, but all that came out this time was a mist of minty freshness.  
  
The dragon roared in rage and stormed off inwardly swearing revenge.  
  
Shinji sighed and smiled. "You know, it's nice to have a calm, care-free day once in a while."  
  
"You said it," Asuka agreed. "I just wonder what kind of dragon that was."  
  
"TROGDOOOOR!!!!" came Gendo's voice suddenly over the radio.  
  
For once, Shinji was glad he didn't have a relationship with his father.  
  
====================  
  
** To find out about Piro, Lago, and the six-inch tall angels' adventures, go to http://www.megatokyo.com/.  
  
** To find out about Trogdor, go to http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html. Then you might also want to check out http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail57.html. Trust me. They're hilarious.  
  
** I'm not sure if Listerine is big in Japan. 


	5. Fic 5: Penpen's free time

I don't own Eva, Megatokyo, or Trogdor.  
  
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RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #5: Pen-pen's free time  
  
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Who would win in a bossing contest: Asuka or Lucy?  
  
====================  
  
No that his roommates were gone for the day; Pen-pen had the TV all to himself. Unfortunately, there was nothing good on so he decided to sit on his fridge again.  
  
Once again the penguin was soaring over the fields of Europe during the Great War. Ever vigilant in defense of his homeland, he watched the skies for enemy planes.  
  
Not that he was in any way scared, mind you. He was the terror of the skies, undefeated and unstoppable.  
  
Then Pen-pen saw his nemesis, or mere pest as Pen-pen had triumphed every time they fought. The penguin gently nudged his stick and moved in for the kill.  
  
As usual, the Sopwith Samel was facing the wrong way and didn't even see him coming. Pen-pen let loose his machine gun and soon that persistent beagle was once again plummeting to the Earth.  
  
Pen-pen warked triumphantly to the heavens. No one could best the Red Baron!  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http://www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'nove10': I you want me to keep up the story, you may have to write it yourself. Sorry.  
  
'Alpha Draconis1':  
  
On fic #1;  
  
What? Did you expect Shinji to be some great general?  
  
On fic #4;  
  
Yes, Rent-a-zilla. It's actually in that comic. And there is the alcoholic black sheep of the Gamera family.  
  
'Bob the Insane': Don't worry. Lago doesn't pilot the Evas.  
  
'someonewashere': Try not to pass out.  
  
'coach z': Trogdor is right up there with MST3K.  
  
'Greengo': I'm glad you weren't utterly sickened by the story. I'm not into yaoi, but a flagrant disregard for quality seems to get my goat. (There is NO excuse for calling Darth Vader 'Annie'. And I don't care if it's not spelled that way.) 


	6. Fic 6: sentinel28, this one's for you

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #6: sentinel28, this one's for you  
  
==========  
  
No match-ups here. Any I suggest would just be wrong.  
  
====================  
  
Toji and Kensuke tried to dive for cover, as the titanic form of Unit 01 was about to fall on top of them. But when it hit the ground, they saw that they were safe between the Eva's fingers.  
  
But the relief was short lived as the angel known as Shamshel floated towards the Eva.  
  
"Stop!" commanded a voice. Toji and Kensuke looked to where it came from and saw a teenage girl with purple hair.  
  
"Who the hell is that?" snapped Ritsuko. Those two schoolboys trying to see the fight was bad enough, but this girl seemed to be challenging the angel.  
  
"I am Miko Mido, leader of the secret clan!" the girl shouted at Shamshel. "I will not let you harm these innocent people!"  
  
"What does that kid think she can do?" Misato asked. Then she and the entire bridge crew gasped when Miko tore off her clothes.  
  
"Cool!" Kensuke shouted. But then his and Toji's excitement turned to shock at what happened next.  
  
"How... is... that possible?" Fuyutsuki asked weakly. Ritsuko covered Maya's face. Even Gendo's eyes were popping out.  
  
"Hey, um, at least the angel isn't using its arms on me," Shinji said nervously, "especially that way."  
  
"Those sounds she's making, are they even natural?" Makoto asked.  
  
"I am so glad I agreed to come with you," Toji whispered smiling.  
  
Even the bridge crew couldn't help thinking what it might be like to be involved in something like that, no matter how hard they tried to think about baseball.  
  
Finally, the angel couldn't take it anymore. Glowing cracks appeared in its core. Then it shattered and the angel slowly fell to the ground lifeless.  
  
Miko then calmly picked up her clothes and walked back to her school.  
  
All the people on the bridge wiped their noses. "We will never talk about this again," Gendo said. Everyone else nodded.  
  
Just then, the LCL in Unit 01 started to swirl around. Shinji was too shocked to scream. Then a human shape started to appear. Shinji and the bridge crew gasped again as Yui Ikari returned to the land of the living.  
  
"Okaasan?" Shinji said with tears suddenly filling his eyes.  
  
"I'm here," she reassured her son. She kissed his forehead.  
  
"Yui!" Gendo shouted over the radio. "You actually came back!"  
  
Yui faced his holographic image. "Yes, my darling! Seeing what that girl did reminded me of all the passionate, hardcore, jungle sex we had before I became pregnant! I want to do that again!"  
  
Even though he was sitting, Shinji managed to face fault. Mouths agape, the bridge crew looked towards Gendo who was vainly trying to cover his red face.  
  
"I just hope you've gotten over crying after we've finished," Yui then said.  
  
"Ha!" Ritsuko shouted. "So that's why you always kicked me out after we did it!"  
  
Despite how embarrassed he looked, Gendo was overjoyed that his love had returned. Now if a crack in the Earth would appear and swallow him up, his day would be complete.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** The title is because sentinel28 wrote a guide for Eva fanfics (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1515359) and I'm breaking rule #5, specifically that last sentence.  
  
** No I have never watched La Blue Girl. I'm don't really watch hentai, period. I just wanted to see if I could get away with this and keep the story's PG-13 rating. (Was anything graphic actually described?) 


	7. Fic 7: The lost ending of Eva

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #7: The lost ending to Eva  
  
==========  
  
Who would win in a fight: Clarence (without his wings) or Kaoru (without his AT-field)?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that you're only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
(BTW, this is not meant to flame FinalMax's story. It's meant to show how despicable his version of Gendo truly is.)  
  
Since Yui and Professor Fuyutsuki were busy in a meeting, Gendo had nothing to do at the moment. He decided to surf the web. He always loved looking at fan fiction. He noticed a category called 'Evangelion'. He never tried that one before. He saw a story titled 'Child of Desperation'. He shrugged and clicked on it.  
  
After a few minutes of reading, Gendo nearly spit all his coffee on the computer screen.  
  
====================  
  
Commander Ikari sat in his office reading the daily reports. His worthless son was slipping in his synch test again. Gendo once again, questioned why Yui had been too lazy to take the pill.  
  
Suddenly, his office door was kicked in. Standing in the doorway, was Gendo, but with normal glasses and a look of total fury on his face.  
  
Gendo took a look at this newcomer and snorted slightly. "So you must be my counterpart from that insipid alternate universe," he said.  
  
"How could you do that to Yui?" A.U. Gendo snapped. Several other Gendo's soon joined him. They slowly walked up to Gendo's desk.  
  
Gendo sighed. "What is the problem gentleman?"  
  
"What do you think?" Gendo from 'A New Beginning, A New World' yelled. "You raped Yui and forced her into Unit 01!"  
  
Gendo's face turned grave. "Listen. I have more important things to do than bicker with my other selves over how I treated my property."  
  
"Shut up!" snapped a Gendo in a body cast.  
  
Gendo laughed. "You must be myself from 'Evanjellydoughnut'."  
  
A.U. Gendo shook his head. "That's the Gendo from 'Child of Love'."  
  
"Huh?" Gendo said.  
  
"The one who went too far and made Yui hate him. Some of us used him as a warm-up."  
  
Gendo sighed again. "I don't see why you object to my behavior. It does explain everything."  
  
"No it doesn't!" Gendo from 'Cupid's Arrow' yelled. "If you were so obsessed with Yui that you took her by force and are now selling your soul to get her back, why did put her in the Eva knowing how dangerous it was?"  
  
Gendo was taken aback when he realized this plot-hole. "Um, but not all of us treated Yui well," he said desperately. He pointed to the Gendo from 'Eva-r'. "He was just as cold to Yui when she was in Rei's body."  
  
"She was not Yui," that Gendo answered. "She just thought she was. I wasn't about to cling to a false hope."  
  
"Then, uh, uh, why do you still treat Shinji this way?"  
  
"Because they're trying to push him away to hide their grief!" A.U. Gendo said exasperatedly.  
  
"Now just calm down. I'm sure we can work something out!" As Gendo said that, he threw his desk at the group. A.U. Gendo picked up 'Child of Love' Gendo and hit him like a club at the desk shattering the furniture.  
  
He then caught Gendo in the stomach with a snap kick. Gendo fell over gasping. A.U. Gendo then tossed him across the room. The Gendo's gasped when they saw something coming off his face. And it wasn't his glasses.  
  
"Look at that!" A.U. said. "His beard's not even real!"  
  
"I can explain," Gendo said trying to get up.  
  
"You can't explain anything!" Gendo from 'Judgment Within Shinji' snapped. "It's because of assholes like you that we never end up with Yui in half these fics!" he then punched Gendo right on the nose snapping it.  
  
Then the Gendos ganged around him punching and kicking. A.U. started to sing. "Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind,"  
  
The Gendos paused for a second to join him. Then they resumed the pummeling while continuing to sing.  
  
All around Tokyo-3, church bells rang to celebrate a merry Christmas.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** If the title and the ending have you stumped, just try to guess and I'll tell you next chapter (although the fight suggestion is a clue).  
  
** No, I don't know how the Gendo's can tell each other apart.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http://www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'someonewashere': Glad that you find the stories interesting.  
  
From http://www.evamade.com:  
  
'Randall Flagg': I can't believe I've been given an 'H' recommendation. BTW, I don't have that much money; so don't waste your time. 


	8. Fic 8: More messing with Gendo

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #8: More messing with Gendo  
  
==========  
  
Who would win in a staring contest: Gendo or Agent Smith?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that you're only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
(This chapter is based on a suggestion posted by 'JesterSage'.)  
  
(Yeah, I took a while with this chapter. No writer's block, I knew what I was going to write. I just didn't get around to it until now.)  
  
Gendo was sitting with his hands in front of his face when he finally got a cramp. He put his hands down and looked at a stopwatch.  
  
"Yes! Seventeen hundred seconds, a new record!"  
  
Just then the door opened, which disturbed Gendo as he thought it was locked. A man with shades and a suit walked in.  
  
"Commander Ikari..." the man enunciated. "It's so nice to... see you finally."  
  
Gendo groaned when he realized who it was. "This isn't funny, Mister Weaving. Get out."  
  
The man smiled evilly. "Actually, the man who portrayed me is home right now."  
  
"What? Do you mean... you can't... does this have to do with the instrumentality?"  
  
Smith took off his shades. "No. It has to do with the upcoming motion picture based on this particular program."  
  
"Then you have to contact the studio. I can't help you with that."  
  
Smith smiled again. "Actually, you can." He walked up to Gendo. "With Matrix and Lord of the Rings over, Weaving doesn't have any big roles coming. I think he would play YOU wonderfully."  
  
"Whatever," Gendo said impatiently. "But I still have no say in the casting."  
  
"But maybe THIS will," Smith stuck his hand into Gendo and used his assimilation. "Because of that damn surfer pretty boy, I failed to conquer the world. But at least I can conquer Hollywood. I will make sure I am in EVERY big film from now on."  
  
"Enough!" another voice shouted.  
  
Smith pulled out his hand and looked at the Japanese gentleman who just walked in. "And who are you?"  
  
"Ken Watanabe. I think I should play Gendo."  
  
Smith snorted. "What? You think your Oscar nomination makes you qualified? You did see 'Die Another Day', right?"  
  
"I can still do better than you. You stone-faced hack."  
  
Smith was about to strike him, but someone else came in. It was Sean William Scott. "Hey, is this the Gendo tryouts?"  
  
The other three stared at him. "Stiffler?" they said in unison.  
  
Sean sighed. "I can do more than that. That's why I want this role. No one will ever type-cast me again."  
  
"But my son is fourteen," Gendo reminded. "You can't pull that off."  
  
"Don't you know Hollywood? I have a ten year buffer on the age of the role."  
  
Then Hugh Jackman came into the room. Gendo groaned. "You can't be serious."  
  
"Hey. I've shown I can play diverse roles," Jackman said. He then sat down and put his hands on his face. "And don't tell me this takes much acting skill."  
  
Gendo discreetly got his gun from under his desk. "I have more important things right now. I'm trying to save the world."  
  
"How's it going?" said Charlie Sheen as he walked in.  
  
"No!" Gendo snapped. "Absolutely not! "Get out! All of you! Now!" He pulled out his gun and shot above their heads. The actors quickly complied.  
  
Gendo then thumped his head on his desk. 'All the work that I've done, all that I've given up, and it's all come to that?'  
  
He then ran out of his office.  
  
====================  
  
There was a hurried knocking at Misato's door. Gendo was standing there. "Where's Shinji?" he asked.  
  
"Um, in his room. Why?" But Gendo ran down the hall without answering her question.  
  
Shinji was just lying down and listening to his SDAT when Gendo burst into the room. Gendo grabbed Shinji and hugged him as tears ran down his face.  
  
"I'm so sorry for everything, Shinji! I don't want you to be alone anymore!"  
  
Shinji was disbelieving at first, but then he hugged his father back and let his own tears fall.  
  
====================  
  
There was another knock at Misato's door and all the actors were there. "So that was fifteen thousand each?" Misato asked them.  
  
Jackman nodded. "So why did you want us to do that?" he asked.  
  
Misato sighed. "I was just so SICK of Shinji' depression. I mean it's one thing to be sad, but it's another to ruin Looney Toons."  
  
"How could he ruin them?" Smith, who was actually Hugo Weaving, asked.  
  
"He once said one of the cartoons was just 'a sad, depressing tale of a pathetic coyote, who spends every waking moment of his life chasing after a sadistic road runner, who mocks and laughs at him as he's repeatedly crushed and maimed'."  
  
"Wow," Charlie said. "You'd better make this twenty."  
  
Misato nodded as she wrote the checks. It was the instrumentality slush fund anyway.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** I hope you know what movie that Road Runner quote was from.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http://www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'JesterSage': 1. Well this chapter was just an experiment. But I do think Gendo might have acted very differently had Yui really died with no chance of return.  
  
2. I guess a continuation would be better in the X-Men section. And I don't watch Gundam Seed, so you're safe.  
  
3. I don't like Yaoi either. I just was annoyed by the story.  
  
4. Um, I don't think you should complain about how geeky something is by using a 'Python' reference. And it was actually a lot of work to type all that.  
  
5. Check out 'It Talks!' by 'nova10' and you'll get something like that.  
  
6. It was Shamshel, the fourth angel, with the laser arms. If you can figure out what the girl did, that's the only one that could do that. (The fourteenth angel wouldn't quite work.)  
  
7. I didn't watch that particular one. So it seems that even awards shows count as crossovers. But it did give me the idea for this chapter.  
  
'KevinEC': I just thought of what the Gendos who did love Yui would do if they found out about that story.  
  
'Decaffeinated Motor Oil': I know what the song is. I just have a hard time remembering how to spell it.  
  
'Samus Aran': You guessed it! We have a Winna! For those who don't know, this was based on a SNL skit, the lost ending to 'It's a wonderful life'. Basically all of Bedford Falls beats the crap out of Potter. And this was during the 80's when SNL was still funny.  
  
'someonewashere': 1. I still have to think more about that idea before I write it.  
  
2. Those movies do kick ass. But I based this loosely on the comic version.  
  
3. You get curled up too often. You may need some Prozac.  
  
4. Those two guys are Lago and Piro. Read about them at www.megatokyo.com.  
  
5. All right  
  
'Brian, Warrior of Time': So you changed your user name. And I like your little SI. 


	9. Fic 9: The secret of 1999

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #9: The secret of 1999  
  
==========  
  
Who would win in a fight: A slurpie or a root beer float?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one that I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that your only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
Dr. Katsuragi was getting impatient. The data was taking too long to collect and Keele wasn't forgiving about lateness.  
  
He sighed as Misato just sat there reading. He was beginning to regret taking his daughter with him. He had hoped they he could make up for lost time this way, but he was still so busy it only made their relationship worse.  
  
Suddenly, the complex began to shake. Katsuragi looked at the monitors and gasped. "The angel is loose! Find the lance! We need to put it back!"  
  
"But this isn't coming from the angel!" a crewman shouted. He pointed to a window.  
  
A few hundred yards from the complex, huge cracks in the ice appeared. There was an explosion of ice into the air. When it settled, the expedition crew could see what looked like a giant demon porcupine.  
  
"What's going on, Otousan?" Misato asked. She tried to get up, but Katsuragi got in her way.  
  
"It's nothing, really. Just read your book, please."  
  
"Sir, there's another energy spike near the monster," informed another crewman.  
  
A blue portal appeared and seven figures emerged. There was a redheaded boy, a blonde girl in a white pantsuit, a girl with purple hair and orange clothes, a man with blue hair and a cloak, a blonde woman in a gray fur bikini, a giant frog, and a fat C-3PO.  
  
"This wasn't in the scrolls!" Katsuragi snapped. He frantically flipped through his copy of them.  
  
"Wow!" a crewman with glasses exclaimed. "Look at those two blondes! Have you ever seen two hotter women?" He grabbed his camera.  
  
Katsuragi shook his head. Aida would never be as responsible as his brother.  
  
The porcupine roared and the figures leapt at it. None of they crewmen could really describe what happened afterwards. Just that there was a lot of punching, clawing, slashing, and energy occurrences that were physically impossible. But Aida did get a nosebleed from the fur bikini blonde's back flips.  
  
Eventually, the monster stared to shake. Its roaring now sounded like a broken car engine. Its head exploded. After the smoke cleared, the figures ran inside the opening. After a lot of flashing, yelling, and roaring, everything went silent.  
  
Then another blue portal appeared. This was much bigger than the first one. It swallowed up the monster and all that was left, as evidence of this whole event was a crater of ice.   
  
Then a full-grown Adam walked out of the complex. It winked at the crew and then flew off into the heavens.  
  
Katsuragi just tossed the papers into the air. He tuned to Aida. "So how do we tell Keele that this is all just a waste of time?"  
  
Aida smiled and held up his camera. Katsuragi nodded and walked over to Misato. "Um, I' quitting now. Maybe now we can spend more time together."  
  
"Really?" Misato put her book down and hugged her father as a tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** The monster and the figures are from the game 'Chrono Trigger' by Square Enix, formerly Squaresoft.  
  
** Sorry if this chapter was light on narrative. I was in a hurry.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http://www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'Hououza': Well now you can start.  
  
'big n0se q': I laughed my ass off at that part in the movie. But you still have to guess what movie. 


	10. Fic 10: The Eva Dead

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #10: The Eva Dead  
  
==========  
  
Who would win in a fight: a severed hand or a severed foot?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one that I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews, and you have to make a separate review for each chapter, not try to do all chapters in one review.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that your only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
The lance of longinus had returned and held Unit 01 in its grasp. Now the instrumentality would be complete. SEELE chanted the ceremony for the end. Lilith had awakened. Only one part was needed to make all of SEELE'S efforts complete.  
  
"Klatu Verata Nicto!" SEELE 04 said.  
  
Suddenly, a small vortex appeared in the middle of the room. It closed quickly, but not before a book bound in weird leather came out.  
  
"Um, did you say the words EXACTLY?" Keele asked.  
  
"Of course I did!" 04 snapped incredulously. "I've been practicing for decades!"  
  
The book seemed to laugh. "I'd like to thank you all," it said menacingly. "You eliminated the guardians that sealed me so wonderfully."  
  
"Wait, wait. What are you talking about?" 08 asked.  
  
The book laughed. "Oh you really thought a bunch of silly writing was the voice of fate?" The book laughed more loudly. "I have always profited from the stupidity of humans!"  
  
"Oh shit," Keele whispered.  
  
====================  
  
The JSSDF soldier coldly walked away from the body of the girl who surrendered. His orders were to kill everyone, no exceptions.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" came a sudden scream.  
  
The soldier turned around, but there was nothing there. He was about to turn, when the girl shot up from the pile of bodies. But her face was... demonic.  
  
The soldier fired, but the girl flew at him like a bullet.  
  
From around the corner, other soldiers saw an impossibly huge spray of blood.  
  
====================  
  
Gendo lay on the ground defeated. He would never see Yui again and he had betrayed his only son in every way possible.  
  
What could possibly be worse?  
  
Then he saw Rei descending from the ceiling. "Commander Ikari," she said calmly.  
  
Gendo stood up. "You, you came back?"  
  
"It seems I have a different purpose than we both thought."  
  
Just then, Ritsuko shot out of the lake, with the same demonic face. She dove at Gendo, but Rei hit her with a beam of light. Ritsuko fell on the ground.  
  
Gendo was startled, but pulled out his gun when he regained his wits. Rei stood in front of him.  
  
"That is not necessary. She is fine now."  
  
Ritsuko moaned and tried to stand up. Rei helped her. Ritsuko's face was normal again.  
  
"Just stay with me," Rei advised them.  
  
====================  
  
Shinji wasn't sure what to think. When Rei and Kaoru had appeared, they told Shinji that the real battle was just ahead. Then they left.  
  
The white Evas were confused too. Unit 01 had just changed to a cross and back again. But the biggest surprise came when the carcass of Unit 02 suddenly got up. Its body was in one piece again, but its face seemed even more demonic.  
  
"I will devour your SOUL!" the resurrected Eva shouted.  
  
All of the white Evas' jaws dropped. 02 ran at them. The Evas moved quickly and threw their lances. But the demon Eva knocked them away.  
  
Shinji barely noticed any of this. He saw Asuka lying on the ground where Unit 02 had been. An older woman was with her and they were both unconscious.  
  
Shinji dove Unit 01 down to pick them up. After he did, Units 00 and 03 came out of the ground with the same demon look. The white Evas did their best to fight these new monsters, but the demons were too swift.  
  
Shinji was just trying to get Asuka to safety. But 00 got in front of him. "I will see you soul suffer for eternity!" it shouted.  
  
Shinji tried to run away. Unit 00 smacked 01 in the face. Shinji groaned and fell down. He did his best not to hurt the women he was holding. The demon stood over the Eva to finish it off.  
  
There was a quick buzzing sound and 00 suddenly split in two. Shinji looked up. Unit 04 stood over him. Its right hand was replaced with a chainsaw.  
  
====================  
  
The battle within the NERV complex had just changed around completely. Now the soldiers were sharing their firepower with the NERV employees to fight the demon zombies.  
  
The JSSDF had also help the surviving NERV crew evacuate. The current task was to keep the monsters from getting out into the city.  
  
"I'm out!" Makoto shouted. Shigeru tossed him a few clips. But just as Hyuga was reloading, he saw the woman of his dreams.  
  
"Makoto," Misato whispered as she floated to him. "I've only wanted you."  
  
Makoto just stood there in a daze. Too late, he noticed Misato's face twisting and distorting. She made ready to claw him to pieces. But a bright light hit her.  
  
"Commander?" Makoto asked after Misato fell on the ground. He saw Gendo, Rei, and Ritsuko standing there.  
  
Gendo just hung his head. "It was all a lie." He kept repeating that as Rei and Ritsuko walked him to safety.  
  
Misato groaned. Makoto wasn't sure what to do.  
  
"She is all right now," Rei said. Makoto nodded and lifted Misato up.  
  
The JSSDF noticed that more survivors then they had thought were now coming out. "They have all been healed," Rei told the captain.  
  
Then it got even weirder. Those now coming out of the complex were all from the 3rd branch. "What the hell happened there?" Fuyutsuki asked them.  
  
"We got pulled back in time a few hundred years," the commander of 3rd branch said. "And we learned the truth of the angels. They had sealed the legions of a dark dimension away. So they used the scrolls to trick us into letting the demons out."  
  
"What? So Adam-"  
  
"Didn't cause the second impact. That was just the first seal being destroyed."  
  
Fuyutsuki had no idea how would tell Gendo about this.  
  
====================  
  
Units 02 and 03 ran to 04 cackling and screaming. The formerly lost Eva pulled out a huge shotgun and fired at the demon Evas. 04 kept firing long after you'd think it would have to reload.  
  
The demons finally fell down dead... or undead... you know what I mean.  
  
The figures in Unit 01's hand started to wake.  
  
"Mama?" Asuka whispered.  
  
"Yes, my little girl, I'm here."  
  
Tears of joy fell down Asuka's face.  
  
====================  
  
Shinji let the two down and got out of the Eva. He saw his father. Gendo burst into tears when he saw Shinji and ran over to him. "I'm so sorry!" he pleaded as he held his son. "I should have known! I should have known!"  
  
"It's all right, Commander Ikari," came a voice from Unit 04. The plug opened up and a familiar face stepped out.  
  
"Kaji! You're alive!" Misato shouted.  
  
"Yeah. I kind of faked my death and went to investigate the 3rd branch's disappearance," Kaji explained. He was holding that demon book. The pages were torn to shreds. "But I fell into the same hole they did. But we of course found a way to get back here and found a way to break the demon possession. But we figured that while we were traveling through time, we might as well fix a few things." He pointed east. "I think you'll notice the coastline is a little further back."  
  
"You mean you undid the second impact?" Fuyutsuki asked (That was out of hope, not being dense.).  
  
Kaji nodded. "And all the deaths that resulted afterwards.  
  
"So my father is alive?" Misato said.  
  
"You know he is, Baby," Kaji answered.  
  
Yui and Naoko appeared from a tent. Their respective children ran up to them crying and laughing. Yui walked up to a remorseful Gendo. "I forgive you," she said. "We just need to start over now."  
  
Kaji chuckled. "When I was back in medieval Europe, the people wanted me to stay and be their king. But having saved the world and set everything right, I feel that I AM king." He then wrapped his arm around Misato. "Hail to the king, Baby."  
  
The following kiss was deep and passionate.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
** Please don't tell me any inconsistencies with the Eva series for this to happen. That isn't the point.  
  
** I'm also sorry if this wasn't wild or kooky enough. I was a bit distracted when I wrote this.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http://www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'someonewashere': Please try not to review until you have a solid idea in your head. I tried to think of a prison fic, but I could only think of a shower scene where Karou says "Oops! I dropped the soap!" but as a come-on. That's funny as hell, but no story is coming out of it. So I really hope you can come up with a decent idea in this review.  
  
'KevinEC': HOW DARE YOU? A slurpie is the most powerful frozen drink in existence! You are a blasphemer to put it down like that! All right, I'm only talking about the cherry flavor. The other ones are completely weak-ass.  
  
'Alpha Draconis1': That is a good idea and I think I will use it. But first, you have to review the rest of the chapters. You've only reviewed chapters 1, 4, and 9. So you have to review the others. (But you don't have to review this chapter since you already posted the idea.) Yes this is review whoring, but at least I can back it up with a real promise.  
  
'sentinel28': Yay! One of my favorite authors reviewed my story! As I didn't yet make it clear that you had to review each chapter separately, I'll let it slide this time. So I based this fic on my favorite zombie movie, 'Army of Darkness'. 


	11. Fic 11: There's something about Mary Sue

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #11: There's something about Mary Sue.  
  
==========  
  
Who would win in a fight: D.J. Croft or pre crisis-of-the-infinite-earths Superman?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one that I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews, and you have to make a separate review for each chapter, not try to do all chapters in one review.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that your only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
I finally ran out of breath and collapsed in a dark alley. What the hell was I thinking coming here? But it was too late now. All I could do was hope to escape.  
  
I heard the stampede of human footsteps from around the corner. It seemed I could never lose them. My only blessing was that they were on the far side of the alley.  
  
I broke into a run again. I wasn't in the best of shape, but several months of walking about three miles a day to college did allow me to stay ahead of the desperate mob.  
  
"Wait!" Misato shouted. "Your unbelievable skill with the Evas would make our job ten times easier!"  
  
"And you could draw away all the women after me and make Misato love me again!" Kaji pleaded.  
  
"And I need your smug overconfidence to teach me confidence!" Shinji added.  
  
"And I need you to teach me the meaning of true love!" said Asuka.  
  
"And I need someone to show me how to think for myself," Rei said. "At least, that is what Commander Ikari tells me."  
  
"And what about using your impossible genius to bring my Yui back?" Gendo asked.  
  
"BUT I'M NOT THAT KIND OF SELF-INSERT!" I screamed in vain as they continued to chase me down.  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
Sorry if this is so short, but you should read the main title again.  
  
I thought of this wondering how the characters in Eva themselves would feel about a Mary Sue.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From http:www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'sirnoahthepure': Glad to see you like it.  
  
'Alpha Draconis1': You are of course, free to write it that way yourself if you want to. I don't mind.  
  
From evamade:

'Randall Flagg': Yeah, I saw that movie. I thought it was stupid.


	12. Fic 12: Evamaniacs

I don't own Eva.  
  
====================  
  
RANDOM EVA MINIFICS  
  
Fic #12: Evamaniacs.  
  
==========  
  
What would win in a fight: a can of Coke or a can of Pepsi?  
  
====================  
  
ATTENTION!  
  
Before you read this story, I want you to know about an offer I'm giving to my readers (at both www.fanfiction.net and www.evamade.com). If you review every chapter in this fic, I'll use a story idea you give me in a future chapter.  
  
Just review every chapter in this story posted so far (or every chapter you haven't reviewed yet) and in one of those reviews, tell me an idea for a short story. I guarantee I will make a chapter out of it. I'll only write one story per user, but you can give more than one idea and I'll write the one that I see the best story from. Plus, I won't accept just saying 'nice chapter' several times in the reviews, and you have to make a separate review for each chapter, not try to do all chapters in one review.  
  
Also, make sure the idea isn't too vague (I can't write the story if I don't know what you're talking about.), too specific (Don't tell the beginning, middle, and end. I just want an idea.), too much for a short story (The Evas going back in time and fighting in the Napoleonic wars can't be done in just a short story.), or not enough (Asuka kicking Gendo in the nuts may be funny, but where would the story go from there? Gendo then spending the rest of the day pretending he isn't in pain can be a story.).  
  
I also can't guarantee a crossover idea. I may not be familiar with the subject matter. So don't make that your only suggestion.  
  
====================  
  
The empty streets were now the only sign that man had ever existed on this world. Sprinklers turned on using water that would no longer be pumped through them. Dogs barked in their houses waiting to be fed by masters that were no longer there.  
  
And deep within the bowels of SEELE, the monoliths that hid the faces of those who had planed it all stood.  
  
But then they all fell down. They were nothing more than cardboard facades.  
  
And out of the now fleshless visor of chairman Keele, jumped out two white mice. Both stood upright, and one was much shorter than the other but had a significantly larger head.  
  
"Yes!" the shorter mouse exclaimed. "It finally worked, Pinky! We have cleared the world of those foolish humans, and now the mice will rule!"  
  
"Yeay! Hurray!" the taller mouse cheered jumping up and down. "All hail King Brain!"  
  
The Brain smiled. "Yes, I could get used to that. Come, Pinky. Let us view our new domain."  
  
====================  
  
"Ooooooooh!" Pinky said as the two walked the streets. "Look at all the pretty buildings!"  
  
After all those years of trying to make the prophesies within those scrolls come to pass, and having that work pay off brilliantly today, Brain was willing to forgive Pinky not noticing those building were always there.  
  
"Of course we will make even better architecture than those humans ever did," Brain said. "And we wipe all traces of the damage the humans have done to nature."  
  
"Ooh, goodie! I like scrubbing and cleaning!" Pinky exclaimed. "No, wait. I thought blowing up the Antarctic and flooding half the world was your idea."  
  
WHAM! Brain smashed Pinky on the top of the head. "For the thousandth time Pinky, that was just an illusion! I brainwashed everyone into believing that happened so they would eventually want to leave this world." Brain smirked. "Of course only feeble minds such as theirs would prefer a dream to reality."  
  
"Hey Brain, look," Pinky said pointing to the nearby beach.  
  
Lying on the sand, were a boy with short, dark hair and a girl with long, red hair. The boy was on top of the girl, but he was in tears, not doing anything indecent.  
  
"No, no, NO!" Brain shouted. "I was SO CLOSE!"  
  
"Um, what's the problem? It's just two of them." Pinky then clapped his hands. "Maybe we can force them to give all of us mice piggyback rides, or we could make them dress up in pretty clothes and play around with them in their human-sized homes. Oh, perfect, we'd have a reverse dollhouse! Ha, ha, ha, ha! TROZZ!"  
  
"No. You don't get it, Pinky! All their minds were one and the same! If even ONE of them wanted too leave..."  
  
The sudden rumble from the red lake finished Brain's statement. A horde of people shot out of the water like a geyser. And then they hit the ground, but kept moving and formed into a tidal wave... right in the mice's path.  
  
"RUUUUUUUUN!" Brain shouted. But the human tsunami overtook them.  
  
But eventually the human flood ceased. Now the streets of Tokyo-3 were filled as far as the eye could see with humans.  
  
Eventually, Brain was able to pull himself out. He then quickly found Pinky's feet and pulled his lesser-minded friend from the human river.  
  
Pinky just laughed. "I want to do it again!"  
  
Brain looked around. He recognized the prone forms of Yui Ikari, Kaji, Kyoko Soryu, and even Mr. Katsuragi.  
  
"Oh, NO! Even their dead loved ones have come back!" Brain whined. "Now they'll NEVER want to go back to the instrumentality!"  
  
"Well it's not so bad, Brain," Pinky said trying to reassure. "They still could all be dead."  
  
But then some started to stir.  
  
"AHHH!" Pinky screamed. "Zombies!"  
  
"Calm down. They're all alive, just waking up."  
  
"Oh. But a horde of zombies would have been really cool."  
  
"Yes, it would," Brain said sadly. "Come, Pinky. We should return to the lab."  
  
"So we can plan to take over the world tomorrow?"  
  
"That, and I don't want to risk someone recognizing us. I'd hate to see a lynch mob of several billion people."  
  
"Ooh! I'd like to see a Macarena of three billion people!" Pinky did a few of the dance moves "Ha, ha, ha-" WHAM! Brain popped Pinky on the head again.  
  
"Well I see what went wrong with this plan," Brain said while the two walked home. "I should have found a way to get rid of the absolute stupidity field."  
  
They're dinky! They're Pinky and the BRAIN, Brain, BRAIN, Brain, BRAIN, Brain, BRAIN, Brain, NAAAAARF!  
  
====================  
  
Notes:  
  
If you don't know about Pinky and the Brain, go find out now.  
  
====================  
  
Acknowledgements:  
  
From www.fanfiction.net:  
  
'GundamAzurian': Please remember that you have to review every chapter up to this one if you want me to follow that idea. Otherwise I might have too many to do.  
  
'nicknack': Sorry about the yaoi. I just found myself annoyed at the lazy writing. I believe that there is no subject or situation that cannot be written well. So I thought that even if you write something as stupid as a Shinji/Gendo fic, you should at least do it right.  
  
'Eishirou': I personally can't say whether DJ is good or bad. I just found that fic, so I haven't read enough to form an opinion.  
  
'Alpha Draconis1': I wasn't wondering about that. I KNOW I would be freaked out if they expected me to do all that.  
  
'KevinEC': Hey, haven't heard from you in a while. As for the fight, I don't think we know the nature of the universe well enough to say DJ would simply be destroyed by it. If he is anything like what that story's critics say, the laws of reality will simply show him to be an overconfident dolt. 


End file.
